Drunken Laughs... But Not At Chuck Norris

(You know you needed a break from Garnishes. Well, Chuck Norris decided he needed a break from Garnishes.)

• When Chuck Norris was a baby, his mother didn't breastfeed him. She served him whiskey, right out of the bottle.
• Chuck Norris has never had an alcohol problem. However, alcohol has had a Chuck Norris problem.
• Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.
• Chuck Norris once drank so much beer; all the breweries of the world ran out. Then he started on wine...he got through California while you were reading this.
• Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much... He throws down!
• With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
• Chuck Norris drinks napalm for his hangovers.